Fight Shyness and Win Confidence

I feel pressurized and scared whenever I’m invited out—especially to one of those formal dos. I can’t think of a witty thing to say.”

“At work, the time I dread most is lunchtime. During lunch, I sit with a bunch of colleagues, but I just can’t contribute to the conversation. I feel uneasy and wait desperately for the clock to move.”

“At group discussions, I feel like speaking and coming up with ideas, but I’m scared that others might find them silly. Though I’ve seen other people come up with the same ideas and win accolades, I feel it’s too much of a risk to voice them. So, I keep quiet.”

“I do wish I could change myself. After all, I also want to have fun in life.”


Do these situations sound familiar to you?

All these people suffer from shyness. Shyness can be inherited, but sometimes, your environment could also be the cause. If you are shy, don’t worry. Philip Zimbardo writes that 80% of people responding to the Stanford Shyness Survey reported being shy at some point in their lives.

What is shyness?

Shyness is a set of learned behaviors that interfere with relating to people or having successful relationships in life.

Fortunately, shyness is a trait you can cast off. It’s a choice in behavior you can make. It involves learning to relax in social situations and interacting with people, because with effective communication skills, you can lead a fuller, more enriching life.

This article will tell you everything you need to know about shyness and how to overcome it with some easy steps.

Let’s start then, shall we?

Below are a few questions for you. These are some indications of shyness. See how many situations you can identify with.

1. At a gathering of more than two, you clam up.
2. When you are introduced to someone, you wait for the other person to start to talk.
3. Even if he does, your reply to his questions is a yes or a no.
4. You dread parties simply because you end up sitting in a corner.
5. Talking to strangers and asking for directions scare you.
6. There are times when you have desperately wanted to take part in a conversation but didn’t know where or were too scared to join in.

If you answered yes to most of these questions, you are shy. However, relax; as we said earlier, you can overcome it if you set your mind to it.

Next time you feel shy or face a situation where you tend to feel shy, remember these following points to overcome shyness.

Points to remember whenever you face a situation or feel shy

Keep these points in mind whenever you meet people and interact with them. It would be best if you memorized them or jotted them somewhere.

There are other people like me.
I have a right to speak just as everyone else does. It is my basic right.
I am human, and human beings make mistakes.
It is acceptable to make mistakes.
I am doing fine. I am as good as the next person.

Remember, a positive mental attitude is the key to success. If you want to change your personality, you must put in the effort. There are no miracles, but if you wish, miracles happen, and while you are doing this, you need to be positive and say to yourself,

“Yes, I can change. I can be more confident and self-assured.”

Always remember the saying “You can take a horse to the river, but you can’t make it drink the water.” In the same way, you must want to change, which means a change in attitude. This is not just a vague ambition, but also a real goal you want to achieve.

Create a powerful day!

Cherry A. Collier, Ph.D., MCC, CNLPMC, RCC, CPCC
Chief Collaboration Officer, Master Certified Executive Coach & Inclusion Strategist

Personality Matters Incorporated provides many services including coaching, leadership, and organizational development. It is Personality Matters, Inc.’s goal to help facilitate the necessary resources and tools to help individuals and organizations grow to achieve their goals.

Personality Matters, Inc.
Dr. Cherry A. Collier
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Dr. Cherry

Cherry A. Collier, Ph.D. is an Organizational Psychologist, Strategist, Executive Coach, and Diversity, Inclusion, & Belonging Consultant for Personality Matters, Inc. Her science-based approach and brain-based techniques, propel people, teams, and organizations to build bridges and work from the inside out to achieve their goals. Dr. Cherry specializes in emotional intelligence, neuroscience, leadership development, and DEI Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. She received her Doctorate and Master of Science in Applied Social/Organizational Psychology from the University of Georgia and Graduated Magna Cum Laude from Spelman College. She is the author of more than twenty-five Human Behavior related books for leaders, executives, and coaches. Dr. Cherry is often called the DEI Whisperer because she has a unique ability to fiercely “hold the space” and be totally present which creates a psychologically safe environment that allows others all the space they need to fully express themselves. She listens to others with head, heart and hands approach so that they are heard, seen and understood.